Forget Paris

It is always easy to start a relationship, but it is never easy to maintain a relationship. “Forget Paris” has demonstrated the relationship stages that most couples go though, starting from how the two fall in love, confront each other over conflicts, and lastly how they overcome challenges and reconcile. Some people choose a partner because they think they find the right match; whereas, some people enter a relationship out of loneliness or because of the pressure to settle. Whether it is better to be alone or to settle, as a human being, we need the balancing between “we” and “me”. Being single is never a bad choice or misfortune, because it is all about how we choose to live our life. If one doesn’t feel happy to be in a relationship, I would say it is wiser to stay single rather than entering a bad relationship. 

Newly joined lovers are always so immersed in their intense feelings for one another, however as time passes, those romantic times and intense feelings will gradually fade and be replaced by tons of challenges that one might never think of at the beginning. According to a study of hundreds of couples by Dr. Susan Campbell, she identified five stages that every intimate relationship tends to go through. 

1. The Romance Stage 

Every intimate relationship start off with this stage. This is a time full of red roses when reality can only be seen through rose colored glasses. Like the two main characters in “Forget Paris”, Mickey and Ellen who are madly in love find everything is so wonderful, beautiful and exciting when they are in Paris. As they are so crazy for each other, they can only see the similarity between them. The love hormones make their brain occupied with only what they feel good about each other but ignore each other’s flaws. Couples at this stage don’t see much differences between them and oftentimes they don’t discuss much details and specifies. Thus, it is not wonder why Ellen turns out to be so late to tell Mickey that she has married. Romance can make people deny part of themselves and believe that they find someone who complete them. The “honeymoon period” will only come to an end when couples see the illusion of romance and its reality. For example, Mickey and Ellen realize their dreams and visions are not going as how they have expected and they are tired of trying to be the same. Some couples end up breakup at this point, however some couples move on to the next stage.

2. The Power Struggle Stage

Unlike the romance stage, couples at this stage start realize and focus on partner’s flaws and differences. They do not understand why their partners are different after the romance stage and why they change. The problem here is that the time in romance stage was so special, so dazzling that the time after romance stage seems so dim by comparison. So, chances are couples get to work trying to change their partners to the way they think should be, or make them keep promise for not being that way. Throughout the movie, we heard the phrase “forget Paris” which means live in the real world quite many times. Mickey and Ellen don’t live in the real world, they live in the time they were together in Paris that was magical and special. However, they begin to see the reality after they get married. Thus, they attempt to persuade each other to change to the way they think should be. For example, Mickey lets Ellen quit her job in France and follow him back to his hometown. Whereas, Ellen also asks Mickey to quit his job so he can accompany her, she also asks him to move to Dallas when she get the offer from the airline. It is necessary for every couples, including Ellen and Mickey, learn how to fight fairly with both winning and to declare one’s own individuality. This is the stage where couples learn to communicate and resolve the differences, so they will not get stuck in the recurring cycle of this stage. Communication is important in every relationship because people don’t know what we want, what we think, and how we feel if we don’t tell them. Sometimes we tend to make assumption that our partner understands us; whereas, this is the most common relationship mistake that most couples are probably not aware of. 

3. The Stability Stage

When couples come to this stage, they realize there is no way going to meet all needs of two persons and they become clear that attempt to reshape their partner is not the best way to resolve the differences. At the end of the movie, we can see Mickey and Ellen have their thrill of being love returns after they learn that each other’s path in life may be different. Couples at this stage have clear mutual respect and feel good to agree to stop changing each other; however, the danger at this stage is when couples begin to move apart and feel a sense of having nothing in common.

4. The Commitment Stage
This is the stage where couples fully realize the reality that there is neither ideal partner nor ideal relationship. Couples make choice about themselves and their partner based both on individual differences and things they have in common. At this stage, they choose to stay with each other by knowing all good and bad.

5. The Co-Creation / Bliss Stage
In this stage the two have decided to travel through life together; whereas, the relationship still needs to be nurtured along the way. 

The last two stages of relationship are not shown in the movie “Forget Paris”, so it leaves a room for audiences to think whether the relationship of Mickey and Ellen will move on to the bliss stage, remain at the stability stage or go back to the previous stage. 

This stages model is conceptualized as spiral, instead of a liner process. The second stage is considered as the hardest part of a relationship that many couples cannot get through. However, the Power Struggle Stage can actually be overcome by acknowledging that everyone is different, and knowing how to reach a win-win situation where both parties compromise. We grow up at every stage, and every lesson we learned at each stage can lead us to have a healthy relationship and a better future that is filled with a lot of love and happiness.